I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
