You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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