it hurts more in the daytime
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize