Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
