I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
