My balls are so social today.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
