I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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