its not stalking. its research.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
