it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
