Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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