oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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