one two three fourrrrnication!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Omg I joined a choir last night...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
