I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
