we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize