Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
