3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
