i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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