dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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