there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
