my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
