sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
