dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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