clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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