Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
