Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
