Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
