Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
