I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i drank out of a bidet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
