How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
