haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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