I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
