Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
