I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
