laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
