I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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