GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
