I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
