Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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