I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
