I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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