I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
