"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize