my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize