We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize