She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
