3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
