Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
