life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
