Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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