This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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