He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
