Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
