I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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