He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Couch. On fire.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
