You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
