when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
