Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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