I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
