The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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