it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there's paper in my vomit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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