8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
