i was born a porn star she said
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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