Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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