4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
