Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
