I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
zippers are such a cool invention
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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