She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
