Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Holy shit dude........stairs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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