just come out here and I will go home with you...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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