I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
