I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
