How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
