i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were trust falling into bushes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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