woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
