can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
