Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
