I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
