i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
