Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
