i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
